Chaos

Origin:
1400–50; late Middle English < Latin < Greek; akin to chasm, yawn, gape

—Synonyms 1.  disarray, jumble, turmoil, tumult.

—Antonyms 1.  order, peace, calm.

 

I Will Not go back to That Place. I Will Not. Even if most things around me are in chaos, all jumbled up and confused, I have carved out a few things that, even though it takes careful thought, I have made Organized.  Like Where I put my debit card and license.  In My Purse.  EveryTime.  It has taken me Years to figure this out.  And I rarely lose it anymore. I try to Think about what I am doing. 

 

I Write on my calendar my appointments. I am much better about this, but I have already misplaced 2 calendar's this year. Not So Great. :( 

I Organize myself at work, I am diligent about it, I am persistant, I am.... well, I still find myself sometimes, in that 11th hour of work, scrambling. But I am totally aware of what I do that puts me behind. And I continue to work hard to bring that under control.

I don't know if all the chaos in my house, or in my head, or in my relationships is there because I think it is necessary.  It screens me from the true issues.

Yes, I have at least figured that out.

It makes me feel that I work best Under Pressure.  Only because I Must ....because I procrastinate, and wait until I Have To buckle down and get it done.

 

I still lose my keys, my purse, my glasses, on a regular basis.

Is this on purpose? Because then it forces someone to help me find them?

Hmmmm.... that is an interesting thought.  Because I always feel that I never have help, that always I must do things on my own.  Perhaps it forces me to Ask for Help.  Because I Must.

 

I cannot control everything.

Actually, I cannot control Anything.  Except me and My reactions.  Isn't that right? ;)

Yea, I thought so. Dang Logic.

 

So now, with this little sliding back, forgetting to pay a bill, being oh so late for an appointment.... I used to just cancel them, but I didn't with this one, I actually acknowledged that I had messed up, and went anyway. . . . Why did I do that? 

 

Organize, think straight, forethought, prepare, plan, and do. 

I think I need to make a Things I Need To Examine About Me list.

 

Oh goodness gracious, if I write it down, then I will have to do something about it.  How scary is That???

 

Call the Dr. and Keep the appointment.

Commit to School.

Eat better, and feed my brain, not my belly. :)

Learn....really, Learn to Meditate.

 

What a list. 

Begin.

Again.