—Synonyms 1. disarray, jumble, turmoil, tumult.
—Antonyms 1. order, peace, calm.
I Will Not go back to That Place. I Will Not. Even if most things around me are in chaos, all jumbled up and confused, I have carved out a few things that, even though it takes careful thought, I have made Organized. Like Where I put my debit card and license. In My Purse. EveryTime. It has taken me Years to figure this out. And I rarely lose it anymore. I try to Think about what I am doing.
I Write on my calendar my appointments. I am much better about this, but I have already misplaced 2 calendar's this year. Not So Great. :(
I Organize myself at work, I am diligent about it, I am persistant, I am.... well, I still find myself sometimes, in that 11th hour of work, scrambling. But I am totally aware of what I do that puts me behind. And I continue to work hard to bring that under control.
I don't know if all the chaos in my house, or in my head, or in my relationships is there because I think it is necessary. It screens me from the true issues.
Yes, I have at least figured that out.
It makes me feel that I work best Under Pressure. Only because I Must ....because I procrastinate, and wait until I Have To buckle down and get it done.
I still lose my keys, my purse, my glasses, on a regular basis.
Is this on purpose? Because then it forces someone to help me find them?
Hmmmm.... that is an interesting thought. Because I always feel that I never have help, that always I must do things on my own. Perhaps it forces me to Ask for Help. Because I Must.
I cannot control everything.
Actually, I cannot control Anything. Except me and My reactions. Isn't that right? ;)
Yea, I thought so. Dang Logic.
So now, with this little sliding back, forgetting to pay a bill, being oh so late for an appointment.... I used to just cancel them, but I didn't with this one, I actually acknowledged that I had messed up, and went anyway. . . . Why did I do that?
Organize, think straight, forethought, prepare, plan, and do.
I think I need to make a Things I Need To Examine About Me list.
Oh goodness gracious, if I write it down, then I will have to do something about it. How scary is That???
Call the Dr. and Keep the appointment.
Commit to School.
Eat better, and feed my brain, not my belly. :)
Learn....really, Learn to Meditate.
What a list.
Begin.
Again.
