I ran into a friend today... one I don't see often anymore, but one that I have watched grow and blossom and come into her own, without so much pushing.
And she is Happy.... and she feels Happy, and blessed, and empowered.
Yes, I am older than she... I could probably be her mom... but that is a perk of working in a place where age is not the biggest detriment, or barrier.... so we are friends, and I learned A Lot from her, about technology, about how to Not act around people, how to be tolerant... and how to just listen sometimes.... without judging. :)
I walked away feeling more Open, if you will, more ready to realize my own potential, and not just realize it... but to feel that I deserve it... and that I can not only Ask for it, but actually Expect it to Be.
What really rang true for me today, no matter how many times I have heard it is, I Am the One who Controls my feelings, my emotional state, my physical state, My Health, My Welfare, My Being. Really... Me.
Of course, kids and husbands and friends can all contribute to that state, but they don't Govern it. I am happy when my kids are happy, and love to buy things for my husband that he likes.... it makes Me Happy.
Sadly, I have noticed lately that it is Automatic in me.... I know he likes it, so I get it... and a little part of me says.... He doesn't deserve it... because I don't feel the same 'consideration' from him.
Now truly... I don't give to get... but if the warm smiling feelings no longer pop up when I am doing something special for someone I love, then does that mean that I don't really want to do them??. They take so much time, effort and emotion from me sometimes... because I guess I do have an expectation that they will be appreciated, and when they aren't.... or are never even acknowledged, it is hurtful.
There really is so much more to explore about this, but for now, let me just say, that I've learned... or really taken in, the lesson that I am the one that has the say in how happy I am, how clean my house is, how joyful my life. Even if it doesn't sound like it, that is a really huge step for me.... I guess I just needed the warm up before I was ready for the pitch.
